LADY MAE---STARIGHT FROM THE HEART

Another classic of mine about sexual abuse of children. I think I wrote this piece when a prostitute was on trial for killing someone or so....can't remr the exact case because it has been years....could be in 2000...gosh whatever happened to me? I can't even express myself any more....oh well...enjoy

LADY MAE---STARIGHT FROM THE HEART

If I had a choice to the blue print of my life, I would not have gone this route. If I could rewrite my path, the streets would have been boulevards instead of one-way streets with no detours.
If I had a wish, I would have wished not to be an orphan at a tender age, so that my selfish relatives would use me as an extra paycheck from Uncle Sam.

I was lonely growing up. My time was filled with darkness, which I embraced as haven. In darkness, I was possessed, I had powers, I could be whatever I wanted. I was Snow White raised from the dead with a kiss by the cute prince, or Alice in wonderland but instead of chasing after the rabbits, rumbled in the garden with the dirty dog licking my dirty face. Yes, I had powers but I lost it, good things do not last forever on one-way streets.

I lost my powers thanks to my Uncle T. I lost my fantasy Island, the only thing that kept me from insanity. Uncle T dethroned me when he came to leave with us. Before him, my life was like a government with no time limit. Since my lovely uncle and aunts did not care about me, I was in my own world. Nevertheless, like every other empire there was always external force invading, taking over and then destruction. At first, I was happy to have company because darkness can be boring sometimes, but Uncle T had other plans for the dethroned queen.

At 10 years old I knew nothing about sex apart from what I learnt in school and from my Island, I never watched television because I envied the kids on Sesame Street. But when Uncle T volunteered to tutor me, things changed and funny thing was that I felt it was great that he would find the time to tutor me. Each time I did well, Uncle T would pat me on my back, and I liked it because that kind of affection was new to me, so I tried to score good just to get a pat on the back.

Uncle T started hugging me because he said I was too smart, so I tried to be smarter, and that got me a peck. Then I tried to out do it by becoming a genius and that got me some touching and pinching. At first, I was confused but I thought maybe genius deserves it until one day at school, my teacher called me a genius without touching me and I started crying. To her amazement, I accused her of not touching me and that was how she knew I had issues. Of course, my precious aunt and uncle had a lot on their little mind to stop Uncle T. So Uncle T never stopped treating me like a genius.

I did not deserve it. I do not think anybody deserves it especially not a child and not on their damn birthday, but that was Uncle T’s birthday present for me. Uncle T violated me on my birthday, and he called it a special present. My special birthday present changed my life.
It changed me, my soul died, my whole world died too. The child in me ran away to hide and I was stuck with a dead body, felt like an abandoned ship in the middle of the ocean with nothing to cover up. From that day, I became vulnerable, Uncle T committed murder and got away scout free.

I lost my Uncle the guardian in my junior high, and before I graduated from high school my aunt joined the husband. I had nowhere to go and you would have thought Uncle T would tag me along with him, but he said he couldn’t afford the mortgage and an extra mouth. I guess I wasn’t that genius anymore.

I went through extended relations and foster homes like underwear, most of them couldn’t afford me, and some thought I was too sexually active to keep in the house with their husbands, so I became homeless.
I met Pita at the grocery store, and we became buddies. I moved in with him, at first, he was a savior until he got the idea of using me for money. The Start-up" was difficult for me, so Pita added some spices into it and got me hooked on drugs and from there, there was no way out for me anymore.

Hold up! I do not need your pity or your judgment because you have no idea what or where I have been through. I have been through the camps of hell and back and still eat with the enemy.
I feel hurt, betrayed because nobody was there for me. I blame my parents for abandoning me on this earth and taking the easy way out by dying, I blame my little minded aunt and uncle for stealing from me the love they had more than abundance to offer. I feel like killing Uncle T for murdering my soul and still free doing what he does best. I blame the society for not doing anything, I blame my innocence for being a coward and hiding from the pain and suffering, I blame me for not being able to step up to Uncle T and now the society that is trying to judge me
What did you expect? That I will turn out to be a hero, a saint, a role model?

This is who I am! Straight from my heart. I am not hiding me anymore; if you have been in my shoes, maybe we could reason together. But of course not, you ain't got a clue. Stop pointing fingers at me, stop labeling me, I am already dead, all I ask for is a tombstone with my name on it, encrypted “LADY MAE----BEING THERE, at least I deserve that don’t you think?
This is my story, life is what it hands to you, and I got mine, what about you; straight from within. PEACE